Your therapist and coach trained in systemic therapy with a masters in psychology

Are you an insecure overachiever?

Your experience and adventures as well as your goals are my top priority

You might be an insecure overachiever, if you see yourself in the following sentences:

Are you pushing yourself from one achievement to the other – without ever being able to enjoy your successes?
No matter how hard you work – you tend to be dissatisfied with yourself and think you should be doing more?
You think you just have to reach one additional milestone – and then you will have confidence in yourself?

As an insecure overachiever, you have huge potential, and can achieve a lot in life. But it comes at a high cost – you pay the price of being insecure, dissatisfied and lack of confidence.

It doesn’t have to be like this, though – you can continue achieving your ambitious goals with confidence and more joy in life.

Try out my five best tips:

Focus on the task at hand. And become curious again.

Insecure overachievers try as hard as they can to be as good as they can. They want to do well and impress others. And these ambitions are a gigantic source of motivation – but they can trigger self-doubts, anxiety and high levels of stress. The fact that insecure overachievers focus so much on themselves and their own performance also comes at the risk that they can’t concentrate on the task at hand – and this can negatively affect their performance and become their biggest downfall. Try to be curious instead of anxious and ask yourself “how can I learn more about this?” when you take up a new task instead of trying to prove yourself.

Remind yourself how your loved ones see you before you take on your next challenge

As an insecure overachiever, you tend to be extra harsh with yourself. If you criticise yourself all the time, you won’t be able to see your achievements. Only if you take an outside view at yourself can you accurately assess your performance. The best way to do this is to look through the eyes of your loved ones – because they know and appreciate you for whom you really are. Next time, when you feel down because things seem to go wrong, ask yourself “how would my loved ones see this situation and my performance”.

Try as good as you can – instead of being perfect. And trust that this is good enough

Insecure overachievers strive for perfection – in everything they do. And their expectations are not only incredibly high but also unrealistic. I could bet you always find something you could have done better. You can’t win like this. Let go of the idea that you can be perfect and try a different approach: Every morning, ask yourself “how can I try my best with the time, energy, and capacity I have today?” And then remind yourself that this will be good enough.

Speak to yourself as you would to a younger sibling or mentee.

Insecure overachievers are particularly demanding and strict – with themselves. But funnily enough, they are incredibly supportive, kind, and encouraging towards other people. Mostly, because they want to see others happy and feel they deserve it – or maybe because they trust other people more than themselves. And you can use your approach to others to change the way you speak to yourself. Try to treat yourself with as much respect, support, and love as you show to others. When you doubt yourself, ask, “what would I tell my younger siblings or a mentee at work in the same situation?”

Ask yourself how you can grow step by step

Insecure overachievers expect themselves to know everything already and succeed at their first attempts. They have a fixed mindset – this means they believe that they are either good or bad at something. Full stop. These nagging questions whether a specific task is for you – or isn’t – or whether you have what it takes to succeed in a job – or you don’t, won’t help you. Try to turn your mindset towards growth – and remind yourself that everything we do in life can be learned. When you take up a new task or challenge, ask yourself, “How can I become better at this?”

Being an insecure overachiever can be incredibly heavy, but at the end of the day, it also helps you to achieve a lot. Hold on to your ambition, your drive, and your high standards – but with more respect, support, and kindness towards yourself. Try out these five tips and see what changes.

Coaching is a great tool if you are looking for more support – contact me to schedule a first session.