Your therapist and coach trained in systemic therapy with a masters in psychology

Therapist for Couples and Marriage Counselling in Sandton

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How do we experience difficult phases in a partnership?

Quarrels or conflicts as well as a phase of dissatisfaction or unhappiness in our marriage / partnership are like a big grey cloud that always hovers over us, depresses us and blocks our view of the sun. And often this cloud also follows us into other areas of life and restricts our well-being, our performance and our quality of life. Such phases are often caused by unfulfilled expectations, misunderstandings, dissatisfaction and breaches of trust, which can quickly end in accusations, arguments and even a break-up or toxic relationships.

Often the sun shines again when both partners feel that they can communicate and are understood, are addressing their deepest needs, and feel an emotional and physical closeness. Couples therapy can help in this process.

What are the most common relationship problems?

In romantic relationships we share esteem and affection, intimacy and sexuality, as well as duties and responsibilities – conflict arises when we feel our needs are being overlooked or when an imbalance arises and we feel we are not being treated fairly.
Conflicts can also arise due to stress in our environment – when we experience stress at work, in our everyday life or with other people, we often unload it exactly where we feel comfortable – in our partnerships.
Life crises, such as a serious illness, unemployment or the loss of loved ones also change and strain our romantic relationships.
Crises often arise from deep injuries and disappointments or a breach of trust – jealousy, an affair, addictions – especially alcohol – or even violence play a major role.

Often, conflicts set off a downward spiral that ends in reproaches, arguments, accusations, and tensions that last for weeks or even months. Many couples then grow apart – they have less and less understanding for one another, experience less and less closeness or trust, feel little intimacy and hardly have sex anymore. Such a situation is extremely difficult and stressful for all partners, but partners react differently to these patterns – either they actively pursue a solution or they withdraw and become passive.

Tragically, in many relationships there is one partner who wants to pursue solutions and one who wants to withdraw – and this often creates an unhealthy dynamic.

The active partner talks more and more, seeks increased contact and expects the relationship or the partner to change.
The passive partner grows quieter, even dismissive, wants to avoid confrontation and contact, and hopes that the relationship will calm down if the other partner just accepts it for what it is.
It is easy to imagine that the active partner feels provoked and rejected by the other’s withdrawal and exerts increasing pressure to improve the relationship.
And one can also well imagine that the passive partner feels attacked and is overwhelmed and is increasingly dismissive in order to mitigate the conflict.

Take the first step.

Book a free 20-minute appointment to get to know each other.

Why couples therapy?

Couples often see no way out when they fall into their old, unhealthy patterns – marriage counselling or couples counselling opens up new perspectives and creates hope for the relationship.

In the event of conflicts in the marriage or partnership, a person can also start individual therapy in order to seek support and find a new way of dealing with the challenges.

A therapist's view of the relationship is not coloured by past hurts or disappointments, and unlike family or friends, she is uninvolved and closer to one partner than to the other.

In individual or couple therapy we will work together on the quality of your relationships:

Shaping and strengthening the relationship together – especially in an initial phase or when relationships are changing.
Improve communication and enable an honest exchange – especially when unspoken expectations, disappointments or emotions weigh on you.
Finding a way of dealing with conflicts and crises – especially so that they do not become entrenched.
Identify and change unhealthy behaviour patterns – particularly negative downward spirals that burden everyone involved.
Develop a better understanding of ourselves and our emotions and how they affect or affect our relationships – particularly when past or childhood experiences are involved.

When is couples therapy recommended?

I recommend couples therapy if you recognize yourself in any of the following descriptions:

You keep falling into the same behaviour patterns – and despite countless arguments, your real problems remain unresolved.
Even seemingly small things can set off a downward spiral – and it may take you days or weeks to recover.
They expect the other partner to change – and have the feeling that their relationship cannot be saved otherwise.
In moments when you want to be close to your partner, you are overcome by the fear of rejection – and you approach each other less and less.
You no longer understand your partner at all – and you lack the confidence that you both mean well by each other.
They are rarely intimate with each other, either emotionally or sexually – and feel increasingly distant from each other.
There was a break in your relationship, such as a breach of trust – and you don't know how to move on.
You want to break up – and are looking for a way to make the breakup as painless as possible – for you, your children or loved ones around you.

I would like to encourage you to individual counselling sessions if you find yourself in the following descriptions:

Their attempts at relationships always end in similar disappointments – and awaken old self-doubts.
You long for more affection and appreciation in the relationship – and do not manage to communicate your needs.
You see no future for the partnership and stay because you don't want to hurt your partner – or you have decided to leave and do not yet know how to tell your partner.
They are insecure about their sexuality – and are attracted to other people or would like to try an open, polyamorous relationship.
You are very jealous – and would rather follow your partner's every step or keep them at home.

Please seek support immediately – through emergency numbers, social workers or therapists if you experience the following:

You are afraid of physical, mental or sexual harm.
They suffer from their partner, are depressed or have thoughts of ending their life and cannot find a way out of this relationship.
They worry about their children when they are with their partner.