We often associate our happiest memories with the people we love the most. And at the same time, our closest relationships are also the place where our deepest hurts arise – in the family or partnerships, but also with friends or colleagues who we particularly trust.
When we are children we can hardly protect ourselves – children are particularly exposed to injuries in the family. And tragically, we very often internalize these hurts as children – developing self-doubt, guilt, fear, and a deep sense of helplessness that can linger into adulthood.
In adulthood, injuries place severe strains on interpersonal relationships – they can lead to disconnection or separation – but we often struggle with our painful memories and feelings beyond that. In most cases, however, we want to hold on to our closest relationship – and try to cope with hurts together or deal with hurts ourselves.
The closer we are to a person, the more inevitable, but also more painful, injuries are – for many reasons.
- We have hopes – our desires depend on the other person.
- Expectations arise – the other person has a great influence on our well-being.
- We change ourselves and our life – we align it with the other person.
- We spend a lot of time together – we create memories together.
- We open ourselves – we drop our protective shield and make ourselves vulnerable